Social Media, Privacy & Voyeurism
Social media has perplexed me and many others from the start. Everyone is still trying to figure it out, where it is going and how to use it effectively both from a personal and business perspective.
Being a very private person, from the start over 15 years ago I have always micromanaged what I put “out there” knowing that what “happens online — stays online.”
Yes, there is certainly opportunity for business when used properly. But from what I see, and in my view, most business users aren’t social at all — if anything they tend to be anti-social. Even a recent study reflected that Twitter is about News, Not Social Media. Twitter is in essence one huge one-way conversation. That’s why it’s called Follow not Conversate.
This is also reflected by those who I work with who want to use the power of “social” media. But in reality there is nothing social about what they are willing to do — in a one-way stream. They want to get their message out there but they don’t want to deal with the time and energy that being truly social requires.
Being social means that communications are a two way street. You need to be approachable, there to respond in a timely, helpful and informative basis. Be wiling to hold an ongoing conversation. Be involved!
Add to the time and brain drain being truly social requires, most will settle for putting themselves out there with little concern about their privacy or how some of the information they provide in these “networks” is used and disseminated. (“Hey, Everyone, I’m About to Ruin My Online Reputation.“)
In their goal for business success, they open up their personal lives and contacts to everyone — including strangers — people they don’t know or let’s be honest; care to know.
I use social media for my business. I am approachable — surprisingly so from what I’ve been told. I’m here to assist, comment and participate as much as my schedule permits. But if being “social” means I have to accept friend requests from those I don’t know, or Follow those who I am not interested in just to return a favor, thereby allowing them access to my personal life, then, social isn’t my gig.
If you don’t know me personally, have never talked or typed with me — then that’s where my FaceBook Business page and Twitter accounts come in. You can easily Follow my business commentary at your preferred hang out.
This is why some time ago I made the decision that my FaceBook personal page, the only really personal exposure I have online, would be for those who were by the true definition actual friends and family members. People who I talk to regularly, have a long term relationship with, like and wouldn’t hesitate to meet for a drink or dinner if they were in town.
A year or so ago I removed those “friends” who were purely business associates, or who after a superficial contact had never made the effort to get to know me better. These “friends”, who I had never spoken with, were offended they had been removed as a friend — at least the few that noticed! Understand these were business contacts on my personal “friends” list — I don’t post business stuff on my personal page only my business page. Why would you be offended that someone you don’t know, have never met and will probably never meet or talk to in person removes you from their personal “friend” list? I know I wouldn’t be…but then I wouldn’t have made a request to be a “friend” in the first place.
Then, there are those “friends” from the past. Many come with pleasant memories of days gone by. You exchange a few “remember when” e-mails and then you both fade into each others list of friends to become social voyeurs.
Some have explained to me that due to that past connection there could be business opportunity so that’s why they add them to their personal friends list. Hmmm… You have nothing in common any longer — what went on 20-30 years ago was a whole different time in space — and that is an opportunity therefore you expose your personal life? So you watch what these other folks are up to with curiosity. You watch their lives unfold in their albums knowing you probably will not actually have any new communications with them.
There again goes my privacy alarm. I don’t want those from my past, who let’s face it will not be part of my present, watching my life from behind their monitor. I get the draw. Someone who you have fond memories of shows up with a friend request. You get excited, approve the request and chat back and forth a couple of times. But then?
I recently went through my personal page and removed those who I had not personally heard from in over six months. Unlike so many, I was uncomfortable viewing the personal lives of those I no longer really know. I’m viewing the personal details, trials and tribulations of folks who were a memory. In most cases, I could bet these folks haven’t reviewed all the privacy options available or why would they be exposing such a personal view of their life to those who they no longer really know (or know at all).
It’s not like FaceBook makes it easy for you to control who sees your info and what is done with it. If you want to see how crazy it is to protect your privacy on FaceBook, check out the New York Times FaceBook Privacy Chart. Use this site to help you with your FaceBook Privacy settings: ReclaimPrivacy.org.
Unlike what appears to be the majority view, I don’t want those whose fond memories of me and a few initial back-n-forths, are then provided with an open door to my life in the now. See I take being social seriously and it doesn’t include “friends” that I don’t know or aren’t going to socialize with (whether that be online or off).
I would love to hear what you think. This is a personal choice that works for me but I know that others clearly have different views. Are you making as strong a separation of your personal and business social media lives or are they one in the same and why?
At your service,
Judith
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My initial reaction honestly was that you might be showing your age. Then as I read on I couldn’t help but think you have expressed my feelings so succinctly!
Yesterday a 30 something admitted to spending a good hour a day on facebook. My thought was that if he admitted to an hour it was more than likely more!
I have a presence on facebook twitter and alike, as I’ve been told to. What goes there are missives that relate to my industry – not my life. Curious as to what would consume so much of a persons life I asked, his response was that it was people magazine Only these people he knew.
Honestly I feel sad that, we as a nation feel the need to express our thoughts / lives to the masses.
Sorry for the ramble!
As for me, I will continue to have a business presence, Not personal. I want people to know what I’m about in a business sense and anyone wanting to know me in a personal sense will know how private I am and how to contact me.
Jeff
Hey, Jeff:
Thanks for your commentary and it is nice to meet another like mind! ;-) I’ve received quite a few private e-mails from others who are just as private, mirroring my (and your) thoughts on how to effectively mix personal and business networking. So far from everyone I’ve heard from, networking for business is where they put most of their effort.
Like me, many keep their personal life personal, not online and — what a concept — in person!